I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
