And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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