And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
