Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
