Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
