On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
