I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
