you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
