No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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