Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
