there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
