hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
