Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
