i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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