Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
