Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
