i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
