Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i dont even know how to be here
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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