I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
