And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this boner is exhausting
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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