its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
