I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
