you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
