If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
