I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
