With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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