Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
