4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
