So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
