my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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