Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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