I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
