We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
