doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
