I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
