The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize