I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
