you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
