You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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