the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
