all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
