Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize