Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
