Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
