I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
