you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
