i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
