so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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