onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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