wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize