I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
