she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
