Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
