If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
