every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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