In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
