There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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