So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
