hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
