If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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