he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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