The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
