Im at strip club and am horny
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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