chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
