True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
