In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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