just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
