I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
