sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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