omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
