I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize