I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
