tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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