One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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