I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize