Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
