I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
handjob tips. give me some.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
