I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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