Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
