My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
