Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My vagina is officially offended.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
