i was born a porn star she said
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize