Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
