Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I want is dick and wine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
