i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
