i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
