If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
